I am the chosen one

This is for all the BLACK SHEEPS in life. You know the ones who go through so much shit just to accomplish one goal. The one who keeps getting set back when you get so close to the finish line. the one who wonders what the hell they keep doing wrong to have to go through all the bs they were going through. So I am a cancer, I date a virgo(I’m a dork when it comes to astrology) he was listening to his tarot card read and it sounded like it was talking to the both of us not just him. Well it said basically what I said above, all the hardships he had been dealing with are coming to a close and the reason he was going through all that and still stayed solid was because he was the chosen one! He is the person who is supposed to break the generational curse in his family. He’s the one who is supposed to become wealthy and take care of his family. I, too, am the chosen one. I have been through more things than a normal 24 year old would go through and I still always end up coming out of it strong, well at least after I cry and ask why, lol but I always come back 10x stronger than I was before. I always have that sense to give up, but my inner voice is still strong in the background telling me to keep going. Think about something that seemed so unbearable at the time in your life and how you still overcame it even though you felt like you wouldn’t. For me, it was my eyesight. I truly felt like this is what my life was going to continue to be like so I began using my other senses to help me out. Thankfully, my eyesight is so much better because I have better doctors here in the north. I have a better healthcare plan. I have surrounded myself with people who want to help and who want to understand my condition. The first step to change is to eliminate the people who aren’t changing with you. Think about that. It’s not hard to let go of toxicity. Stop reasoning with yourself on why that person should stay in your life. The moment you get a bad feeling about something or someone, let it go because chances are it’s true. You can’t confuse anxiety with what’s really going on though. That’s where it gets tough and I know with myself I have let anxiety ruin good opportunities for me because I didn’t know how to differentiate between the two. Mind over matter always.

So if you feel like you need to give up, that’s probably because you are so close to the finish line. Literally any successful person is going to tell you, anything they have in life came with bumps, failures and doubts. Learning how to master those feelings will get you so far in life. When you feel doubtful just think about the outcome of it. Think about all the issues you have already overcome in the past that you didn’t think you would before and that will give you the fuel to KEEP PUSHING❤️

Life update

Wow it has been a minute since y’all heard from me! Life has been one hell of a roller coaster since the last time I posted. Let’s start off with a new eye condition.

In November, 2018 I lost my eyesight. At the time I was only 21 years old… imagine waking up one day and it just starts with a horrendous headache. You notice it’s not like a normal headache, but you just continue on, pop some ibuprofen and call it a day.. but then the ibuprofen wears off and that same pain comes back. I realized this pain was attacking my right eye so I went to the eye doctor, but by then it was too late. I had already had permanent vision loss within 5 days of my symptoms starting in my right eye. If I kept ignoring it, I would be blind. Eventually by mid December, I DID become blind and nobody in Indiana could give me a diagnosis. That was the scariest shit I ever had to experience and then all I had around me was my boyfriend at the time.. I was blind, broke, and had to quit school. I tried so hard not to quit school, but my vision never came back the same. I couldn’t read, write, use a computer, bathe myself, text, watch tv, enjoy nature, dress myself or do my hair. I couldn’t cook, drive, or sit outside when it was too bright because my eyes couldn’t handle it. By the grace of GOD and my powerful ass meds, my sight came back within a month and I was able to return back to work but I could only drive during the day. (I believed in god before because my mom is very religious but after this experience I TRULY never questioned it again because I know there is a God)

I was a newly promoted kitchen manager which is something I was working so hard for at chipotle and finally got it. I used to think it was because they just needed to fill that position so they chose me, but I truly EARNED it. What made me think that was when I returned back to work and nothing was the same. I could not perform the way I once did. My manager was getting upset with me about it, but he couldn’t understand. I had literally lost my damn eyesight. I was legally blind trying to run a grill and the front and back of house. Chipotle was TOUGH, but I LOVED my job. It gave me purpose and a reason to get up everyday. My manger worked with me until he didn’t… it was tough having to miss work because he always gave me a hard time, but I needed to see my doctors. I don’t think that was fair. I had a doctors note for not being able to drive during the night time so I had to leave right at 3:30 everyday because you know it’s gets dark by 5 and that became an issue too because he was used to me staying however long he needed me to stay. On top of all of this, my roommate at the time who took us in because we unexpectedly got kicked out of our previous place & fired from our job, was giving us a hard time! She complained about EVERYTHING , would talk down on us and told us she used to be racist & eventually me being the person that I am with my crazy mouth I said some shit she didn’t like and got us kicked out right after paying our part of the rent! I should of stayed considering I had already paid her, but I just packed my shit up in the middle of the night while my man was at work and hauled ass down the street to his job. I couldn’t see because I shouldn’t of been driving at night and an 18 wheeler on the other side of the road, yes I was on the other side of the road and didn’t know it, almost hit me head on… When I got to the job, He was so upset, but I didn’t care I wasn’t going to be talked down to any longer. I was upset about the fact that I couldn’t have my pit there either on top of her disrespect. She claims he bit her granddaughter while we were at work and I had to get him a sitter. So now we were homeless, living paycheck to paycheck, and I was drinking everyday behind his back because I needed something to be able to tolerate the issue and my toxic relationship. Everything was falling apart, we kept fighting and not working as a team so I literally left. I didn’t care about the fact that if I left he would literally have no where to stay. I was supposed to move there for a better life and everything became worse. I used to think it was my karma for leaving my mom in the state that she was in. Her MS was kicking her ass and she was very poor too. I knew I needed to leave in order to get both our lives better and it ended up worse. That is just a short story of what was really going on in Indiana. It’s a racist ass state, hard to find a job and a place, and people judged me almost instantly because of the color of my skin. There were days where I didn’t even have enough money to pay a $40 co pay at the doctors office and they refused to see me! I’m losing my eyesight and was being refused for care. I was gaining massive weight from eating the Taco Bell dollar menu and the strong steroids I was on so I had to go. Nobody knew what I was dealing with so I finally opened up to my sister and she told me to leave! My cousin set up a room for me when I arrived to MA, my hometown. So I transferred my job and that was that. I’ll never go back there again. Relationship was toxic, the environment, my job, everything was toxic.

Back home in Massachusetts… on my way there I was drinking and driving, not too much but I was, and it was raining. Something told me before I left my granny’s house in Ohio that I needed to stay an extra day there but as I always do , I ignored my instinct and went anyway. I crashed my new 2015 Toyota Prius into a jeep that had the stupid tire on the back. Well my car was completely totaled 5 hours away from my destination. My uncle and my aunt Leslie had to pay over 600 to get me home in a Uber! (Thank y’all) my luck is horrible, maybe I shouldn’t of been drinking but it wasn’t that, it was because I’m blind and had no damn glasses on driving in the rain! I didn’t care though, I just wanted to get home! I did care after my car was destroyed and I just kept saying to myself “damn, how tf am I going to pay this off” the sad part is I wasn’t worried about my life, I was so deep in my depression that I was upset the accident didn’t kill me. I wanted so badly for my life to end because of all the things going on in it. My life had drastically changed within a few months span! I was overwhelmed, anxious, had a very low self esteem, and when I got back home I was hoping things would be better for me. Boy was I wrong.

I kid you not, coming home I realized how different people are. Up north people are rude, mean, entitled, and only care about themselves. Everybody cheats on each other, mad bullies, family ain’t shit. They were supposed to help me. Instead, they made me feel bad about being blind and didn’t help much. My life had changed and they weren’t understanding that. I was being talked about right downstairs from where I slept, I didn’t feel welcomed almost instantly. I worked and had other things to take care of so I kept missing the chores assigned to me, but when I would do the chores I didn’t do them good enough. I couldn’t do them perfect because again, I COULDNT SEE. My 22nd birthday was shit. My family didn’t have much interest in hanging out with me and neither did my old friends. I kept getting cussed out by my cousins, and being told about myself by mfs I haven’t spoken to in years so you don’t know shit. I almost got in a fight 3 times with the same dummy I call my cousin. I knew I had to get the fuck out of there. Luckily, my mom found a place and moved out of my uncles because he was being the same way to her. So I moved in with my mom again. With age you realize things you haven’t realized before, and I realized with my cousins they are full of drama, and with my mom she only helps when she wants to or if it’s beneficial to her. Because she had a part time boyfriend, every time he came over I had to leave of course. That’s okay, I would just go to one of my hoes or my bestie/cousin tee’s house. But eventually, mom was getting tired of me too. We were in a one bed apartment that is small so I get it. I started to become overwhelmed and unwelcome everywhere I go. I realized I couldn’t call anywhere home… in sept 2019, I ran into a man he called himself Romeo(so corny) he used to call me his Juliet. Anyway, now that’s my man. We live together and have been for over a year now and been together for almost 2 years. Things are not perfect, but I’m blessed to have a true man in my life, but every real man has some type of baggage with them. He’s the only one besides my cousin tee who understands my vision loss and works with me. He is loving, caring, keeps me secured, dependable etc. but he is also sneaky, secretive, and repetitive. What man isn’t though? The good always outweighs the bad though, so he is a whole husband. I can’t keep a job because people are envious of me and are afraid I’ll do their job better than they do, I been flying through jobs and cars and I’m just trying to get to a point in my life where I can be financially free. No path is perfect, but you won’t know until you try!

We live our lives full of doubt. We surround ourselves with people who don’t uplift us and who stay in the same boat for years, while still judging and critiquing you as if everything in their life is so perfect. There has to be a time where we just cut off all those distractions and people and completely tunnel vision our goals. I used to always be afraid of leaving people behind, but today I am NOT. When you’re betrayed a lot, you learn to let go, even if you really don’t want to. Your instinct is so STRONG. Listen to that inner voice, they won’t steer you wrong. What I learned is that your instinct is heaven sent, and the more you ignore it, the weaker it becomes. God gave you that voice so you know what decisions to make moving forward. I had to realize that I am better than what people see me as or what I may have been in the past. I’m learning to forgive myself and move on with my life fully! I’ve wasted so much time questioning everything I’ve done in my life and that ends now. I’m taking risks. I’m quitting jobs, and I’m becoming the best woman version of myself. I’m in school, I can see, I’m working out at least 3-4 days out the week, I’m saying what’s on my mind, I have glasses, I have health coverage, I have a somewhat healthy relationship, and I’m wiser and smarter. I know my worth, and I know what I am capable of! Find self love, and you will be able to conquer anything thrown at you!❤️

Just like trust, forgiveness is earned

You know what most people who are religious would say that it’s a sin to not forgive. If you forgive you’ll be closer to God. I believe in forgiving people, but I also believe that there are some things that just can’t be forgiven. Once you cross that line there’s no point in continuing a relationship with that person. And just like trust is earned so is forgiveness.. there are stages to it. First of course you go through the situation, maybe Argue back a little more, then you go through the stage of thinking about what you could of done differently. You need time to process things that’s just human nature. Then you have to learn to forgive yourself for letting things get to the point where there were words or actions done that led to this.. then you go through the process of how you’re going to talk to the person to get over this situation (if there is even a chance to) you have to talk about it. Then process the apology listen to their side of the story and even see if it’s forgivable. I think certain words and actions hurt more when you believed that person really cared about you at one point. But is this how they were thinking the whole time? Why wasn’t it addressed when the situation happened instead of waiting for other things to build up and then eventually just go off on that person? And then is it even worth forgiving at this point now that you’ve already been hurt the words have already been said.. the way I handle things is just shutting that person out completely. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear why you said it. And I don’t want an apology that’s not genuine. And I’m not saying that’s the way to handle things that’s just the way I do. At the end of the day we’re all adults and that’s just how you feel so I can’t change how someone feels and I definitely can’t unhear what you already said so I just let it go.

Living my life in darkness

Imagine finally getting your life together… finally getting that promotion you wanted & finally making the money to travel and finally going to school for that degree you’ve been wanting to work on after being depressed for so long… then your vision just goes. Without warning.. without a reason why… spiritually though I felt it. I felt like something was going to happen because my life was finally going back to normal. I lost my eyesight back in November. It started off with pain and seeing black specs and flashes then slowly I couldn’t see far distances. The pain started to become intolerable and that’s when I finally decided to go to the hospital. I guess I waited too long though because I began to have blurry vision. By November 30th 2018 I could no longer drive and I could no longer see my phone. Waking up and looking at your phone and it only be a white blur is the scariest feeling I’ve ever had to experience.

Moving on to December it was rough. I couldn’t do anything for myself. My boyfriend kept me in good spirits. He bathed me, fed me, clothed me, at one point he tried to do my hair. He was cleaning and running errands for me. I would be so lonely when he would go to work. He was literally the only person I could depend on in this hard place in my life, but he made it so easy. I love him. Anyway, in this place in my life it really help me realize that life can change within a blank of an eye so you have to make the best of it and appreciate what you have when you have it. And even though I’m still dealing with the eye problems I know one day it’ll get better and it didn’t stop me completely I still get to work so I’m grateful for that. I have a hard time with working still, seeing detail, driving at night, writing, or even looking at a computer or TV. I can’t see people’s faces not even when they are close to me. No one will understand what I’m going through. Hell I don’t know what I’m going through I still have yet to figure out what caused it.

Who said traveling is easy!?

So I recently went out of town. Nothing too fancy just went to go visit my family and a few friends in Ga .. 9 1/2 drive from where I’m at now to there.. every single time I travel things never go as smooth as you would like them to be. For starters, I didn’t want to drive my car. It’s not a bad car I just need my car already to go far distances.. anyway, so I tried renting a car and mind you I booked this car a week in advanced and the lady told me over the phone the price, what kind of car it is and asked my my DL # blah blah & after all that she says “thank you now all you’ll have to worry about is coming to pick the car up when it’s time for departure.” Cool. So I go down there on the morning I had to leave. I already wasn’t in the best mood because well I had to wake up at 7:30 in the morning if I wanted everything to fall into place at the right time. Packed the car up and started heading to the rental office. I get there and all of a sudden there is added fees and the wrong days were scheduled and THEN I FIND OUT I CANT use my card because it doesn’t have my name on it… why wasn’t I told this before? That was my very first question. Then I went on explaining how the lady on the phone a week ago told me I didn’t have to worry about anything but picking up my freaking car.. they would not let me get the car.. boyfriend goes in there tries to put it under his name. No because he doesn’t have his license. So I’m just sitting there like …. I’m fucked. I swore I wasn’t going to take my car through the trip again for the 4th and 5th time. So I tried calling around other places & everybody had the same rule about the card with no name blah blah blah.. sooo guess what I decided to do? F it. I’m taking my car. So I had to go to the mechanic shop .. by this time it’s about 9 in the morning. I am supposed to be leaving at 10.. by this time I already knew that I wasn’t going to make it so I just let it go. They checked my car and thankfully my car only had minor issues wrong with it like headlights and tires and an oil change. All that came up to be way cheaper than the rental so I was happy about that. By the time I got out of there it was already about to be 12.. now I’m hungry. & bae has something he needs to do.. long story short, I didn’t get on the road until 3 pm. Don’t get discouraged if your plans don’t work out because there’s always always a plan ‘B’ & ‘C’

People always tend to ask me why I work so hard…

In the past 3 years of my life since I’ve graduated high school, I have been working my ass off. I usually am used to having two jobs at a time, but then I took time off and just worked one job for 8 months and I finally picked up another job. I started on 10/6/2018 at Boston Market. & now I have been promoted to a kitchen manager at my full time job.. My body has gotten used to spending my free time in bed eating unhealthy meals and snacks or playing Sims(best virtual family game you can play). Even though I am such a natural-born hard worker, I need my beauty sleep! In just two days, I feel like an old lady. My body and my FEET were hurting terribly. I mean, what do you expect working at TWO fast pace restaurants? People always ask me how do I do it?

Well I have some answers and advice for you… don’t think about it just do it! I don’t think about having to work so much and it makes time go by faster and not only that but I am making money while I’m doing it & you have to love what you do to be able to enjoy it. Don’t worry about the fact that you’re young and you want a social life. Between the ages of 18-25 should be a time where you are getting your life together. After that is the fun. Below is a link that explains more about how you can balance everything out and still be able to stay sane.

https://books.google.com/books?id=XXGDAwAAQBAJ&pg=PA16&lpg=PA16&dq=is+it+true+that+you+are+supposed+to+be+getting+your+life+together+between+the+ages+of+18-25&source=bl&ots=2jtGmC3vmf&sig=7CBA5ZnXJEFKxPmuBBUE9W4ctaY&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiulpba1_7dAhUMr4MKHaTQBrAQ6AEwBXoECAAQAQ#v=onepage&q=is%20it%20true%20that%20you%20are%20supposed%20to%20be%20getting%20your%20life%20together%20between%20the%20ages%20of%2018-25&f=false

…My main focus right now is to keep growing. Keep learning.. & stay focused. So by the time I’m 25, I can relax and possibly start my family and not have to worry about finances or a place to stay or even a babysitter for my future kids. I will worry about a social life later on but for now I’m just trying to be great!

A Woman’s City; CHI-TOWN

(Short Story)

“How did I end up here…” Sandra was so anxious to move to Chicago after getting into a huge disagreement with both of her parents. Her parents didn’t believe that she would make it very far being in such a huge city by herself at just 19 years old, but of course being a hard headed teen she did what she thought was right at the time. Being such a free-spirited African American young lady and having to deal with parents who mark her every move made it difficult for her to even live under the same roof as them so she began to save up. A year later she is now ready to head out to the city and persue her life and future career. Little does she know she is definitely in for a treat…

Sandra was born in a small town in Mississippi which is of course a lot different from the city life. She always believed she’d live a better life in the city because she is a people person, she loves the fast pace that a city brings and there’s always something to do! Of course she has her mom and dad in her ear and like any black young lady those words can bring negative thoughts. Sandra always wondered what is it about black parents and showing very little support for your decisions and accomplishments? Why am I not being pushed to do the right thing and follow my dream. She couldn’t let that stop her now though because this is everything she dreams of; moving to Chicago, becoming an actress and TV personnel and leaving an everlasting effect on strangers and especially the people who didn’t see the greatness she carries. Its 6:00 A.M. on a summery, foggy, and humid morning but that does not stop her from getting in her 2012 Buick SUV and beginning her commute to her future. “I don’t need you guys anyway!” Sandra says to herself as she pulls off and never turns back. “I know I will be great!”

11 hours and 3 stops later, Sandra has finally arrived to her decent sized studio apartment in her somewhat decent neighborhood. “This is only temporary I gotta do what I gotta do..” She likes the new place, but the pictures portrayed something a little nicer. First off, there’s still some painting that needs to be done, then the kitchen isn’t all the way completed, and not only that but there are still minor plumbing problems, but at least she doesn’t have to pay for it right? Sandra calls maintenance to ask why the hell was she moved into an unfinished apartment and why wasn’t she aware of it. “I apologize for the inconvenience. Unfortunately since you are now leasing this place, these repairs are all up to you. We will focus on finishing the kitchen and painting the walls, but you’ll need to get your own plumber.” Sandra, infuriated already by the unfinished apartment but now has to worry about something that shouldn’t be her responsibility has now went from a white girl voice to “SO YALL NOT BOUT TO FIX THIS SH!T? THERE IS NO F*CKING WAY I WILL BE TAKING CARE OF THIS WHERE DO YOU THINK THIS EXTRA MONEY GONE COME FROM?! YALL HAD BETTER FIND A WAY TO FIX THIS OR ELSE IM OUT OF HERE.” *click* Sandra starts  to think negative and all those things that were said by her parents are now constantly replaying in her head “Do you really think its the best idea to move to such a huge and expensive town with the amount you saved up and still be able to find a job and focus on school funds and repairs for your own place all on your own?” “Are you sure you’re ready for that responsibility considering you’ve been spoiled all your life and don’t know much about cleaning after yourself?” “Are you ready to take sacrifices you may not want to take, but if you don’t you’ll loose everything?” This is just one bump in the road. Its just the first day it shouldn’t be this bad for the time coming. Sandra continues to unpack her stuff, but that didn’t last long being jet lagged from such a long drive. A half an hour in and she’s passed out in the middle of her living room not knowing what her second day in the big city would be like.

The next day, Sandra heads out early to search for work considering the fact that she was out by 8 PM and hadn’t even noticed she had fallen asleep. Although she had already had an interview lined up for a factory job, Sandra wanted to find a job that would pay her well and weekly at that so there was no change in the money flow. She decides to check out a few clubs and cocktail waitress jobs, but of course that would be difficult considering the fact that she’s only 19 years of age. Serving? Stripping? Selling you know what? There had to be something to keep her afloat and there was only 2 weeks to invest in strictly job hunting because school was starting and not only that but bills and rent waits for nobody. Sandra soon realizes that finding work is a lot harder in the city than it is in a small town like the one shes from. After applying to about 1000 jobs, Sandra then decides to look for internships that pertain to her future career. “How do I start my search? Online? Just showing up?” Network Network Network! She prayed that somebody would give her a call back. The day is now coming to a close and although its been a stressful and somewhat lonely day for her, she’s absolutely in love with the city and what it has to offer. 3 days pass by and still no calls from these jobs. “Am I not good enough?” Sandra asks herself while evaluating her looks and hair in the mirror. “No…I am not going to doubt myself. Anything I want in life I can have if I put my mind to it.” Feeling more positive about her life and the way its going thus far she began calling the jobs back asking about her applications. Thankfully, two jobs ask her to come in for an interview. The interviews went well, but she wasn’t making enough money. Sandra begins to realize that this IS NOT going to be an easy road to travel on, but it is definitely not impossible.

So it is finally time to start school 3 weeks after moving to her somewhat decent apartment that is in a somewhat decent neighborhood. “school shouldn’t be too bad, maybe I’ll meet some friends or even my future husband.” That wasn’t the case though. She soon realized that this isn’t the place for her. This isn’t how she wants to live. She needs to go home. But no. No no no. I can’t give up that easily. If I give up this easily how will I get through the rest of life? Nobody said it would be easy.”

#ReadingHashtagsAreFundemental

Hashtags are a creative way to literally click on and find out exactly what it is that you’re looking for. Lately there has been #digitalmarketing trending lately. #Digitalmarketing is when you’re branding yourself. You are creating a biography to where you will not be forgotten. Most radio personnel and entrepreneurs are the reason this hashtag is a trending topic. Believe it or not the reach of this hashtag is 985,005 and people who are in tune and responding to these posts is 1,218,594.  That is over 1 million people who are branding themselves. Who would of thought?

#Cryptocurrency is a hashtag that interests me the most because its about money and who doesn’t love money? #Cryptocurrency is a digital or virtual currency that nobody can change and it collects and verifies transactions and controls the creation of new units. These transactions are confirmed by miners that use #Cryptographic puzzles. Once they are proven as ‘legit’ they’re then spreaded throughout the network. After that happens, it can no longer be fixed or removed. Why is it trending on Twitter? Well for one, Twitter is a social media business inquiry and the #cryptocurrency has to do with private transactions online.(Bitecoin, Litecoin, Ripple etc) The reach of this hashtag is 2,214, 174 people and 2,977,351 people are talking about it. That’s amazing! Look up #Cryptocurrency now to learn more about it!

#NationalWomensDay is a huge trending topic that doesn’t just last for one day, nope! Women all over the world are celebrating women and of course this hashtag stuck out like a sore thumb to me because I am all about the empowerment of women. We don’t get as much recognition as we should because some people may believe that because you are a woman you are less. Society has all of these expectations for a respectable women but #NationalWomensDay is all about embracing who YOU truly are and being you no matter what society has to say about it. The stats are crazy you ready…? Over 1 million people made this a #trendingtopic! That’s right ladies! Let’s keep empowering each other to do great!